Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in mo32988's LiveJournal:

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Monday, April 28th, 2008
10:39 pm	Update! What's up people!!!! Ok so here is a new update about my life. Well lets see I am taking finals right now for school so by this Thursday I shall be down with school and ready to start the small summer I have off. I do have summer sessions this year to make up Organic chemistry because it got the best of me last semester so I must go back and take it again. I am kind of mad about it because I would rather come home and be with my amazing girlfriend and friends for the summer doing nothing with the people that mean the most to me, but instead I have to attend summer classes. However, babe will be moving in with me so I am reallllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy excited about that and can't wait!!! <3 I am going to miss my typical summer schedule but hopefully this summer, even though it will be drastically different, if not better then previous summers. I plan on working at The Country Club in Brookline for the summer and attending school and taking care of my baby =). As most of you can tell, I finally got the girl of my dreams and I could not be anymore happier and excited. I can not put into words how much she means to me and that I am miserable without her with me =(. She is all I can think about!!! and she is absolutely stunningly beautiful and perfect in every way! I still wonder how a guy like me got a girl like this, but it finally happened and its true. There is nothing I would change about her and she truly means the world to me. We are extremely cute together and I truly could not be any happier with her!!!!!!! You don't know what you mean to me. I love my baby more then she can imagine and more then she loves me <333 I can not wait for all my friends to come home so we can get back to the way things were before stupid school got in the way of them. My knee is making a recovery although it is still sore and although the bone isn't chipped the knee still has healing to do that will take some time. I do physical therapy to rebuild the strength in my thigh so it is getting much better and everything is going great. I plan on fixing the back yard here at the apartment so I can put a grill out back and I can have BBQ's with everyone over the summer so we can all stay together and all that fun shit! I am going to end this journal because I think babe is starting to fall asleep on the phone with me and I want to go to bed with her. So let me know when all yall come home so we can get something together. I love you baby <3 and you are my everything! ps. I will be home from May 2nd till May 18th working everyday during the day and speinding the days with baby so when you guys get home let me know and lets get together. Peace, I am out and going to bed.... Current Mood: loved Current Music: Bleeding Love: leona lewis (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 17th, 2008
3:41 pm	our song =) Closed off from love I didn't need the pain Once or twice was enough And it was all in vain Time starts to pass Before you know it you're frozen But something happened For the very first time with you My heart melts into the ground Found something true And everyone's looking round Thinking I'm going crazy But I don't care what they say I'm in love with you They try to pull me away But they don't know the truth My heart's crippled by the vein That I keep on closing You cut me open and I Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love You cut me open Trying hard not to hear But they talk so loud Their piercing sounds fill my ears Try to fill me with doubt Yet I know that the goal Is to keep me from falling But nothing's greater Than the rush that comes with your embrace And in this world of loneliness I see your face Yet everyone around me Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe But I don't care what they say I'm in love with you They try to pull me away But they don't know the truth My heart's crippled by the vein That I keep on closing You cut me open and I Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love You cut me open And it's draining all of me Oh they find it hard to believe I'll be wearing these scars For everyone to see I don't care what they say I'm in love with you They try to pull me away But they don't know the truth My heart's crippled by the vein That I keep on closing You cut me open and I Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love You cut me open and I Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love You cut me open and I Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love (Comment on this)
3:38 pm	=) Every time our eyes meet This feeling inside me Is almost more than I can take Baby when you touch me I can feel how much you love me And it just blows me away I've never been this close to anyone or anything I can hear your thoughts I can see your dreams I don't know how you do what you do I'm so in love with you It just keeps getting better I want to spend the rest of my life With you by my side Forever and ever Every little thing that you do Baby, I'm amazed by you The smell of your skin The taste of your kiss The way you whisper in the dark Your hair all around me Baby you surround me You touch every place in my heart Oh, it feels like the first time, every time I want to spend the whole night in your eyes Chorus Solo Every little thing that you do I'm so in love with you It just keeps getting better I want to spend the rest of my life With you by my side Forever and ever Every little thing that you do Baby, I'm amazed by you (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 26th, 2008
3:44 pm	mmhmm I've been alone with you inside my mind And in my dreams I've kissed your lips, a thousand times I sometimes see you pass outside my door Hello, is it me you're looking for? I can see it in your eyes I can see it in your smile You're all I've ever wanted My arms are open wide Cos you know just what to say And you know just what to do And I want to tell you so much, I love you I long to see the sunlight in your hair And tell you time and time again, how much I care Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow Hello? I've just got to let you know Cos I wonder where you are And I wonder what you do Are you somewhere feeling lonely Or is someone loving you Tell me how to win your heart For I haven't got a clue But let me start by saying, I love you Hello Is it me You're looking for? Cos I wonder where you are And I wonder what you do Are you somewhere feeling lonely Is someone loving you? Tell me how to win your heart For I haven't got a clue But let me start by saying I love you (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 28th, 2008
9:32 am	mhm Oh I had alot to say Was thinking on my time away I missed you and things weren't the same 'Cause everything inside it never comes out right And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die. I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue I'm sorry about all the things I said to you And I know I can't take it back I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds And baby the way you make my world go 'round And I just wanted to say I'm sorry. This time I think I'm to blame It's harder to get through the days We get older and blame turns to shame 'Cause everything inside it never comes out right And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die. I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue I'm sorry about all the things I said to you And I know I can't take it back I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds And baby the way you make my world go 'round And I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Every single day I think about how we came all this way The sleepless nights and the tears you cried It's never too late to make it right Oh yeah sorry I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue I'm sorry about all the things I said to you And I know I can't take it back I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds And baby the way you make my world go 'round And I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry baby, Yeah. I'm sorry. Current Music: Hurt: Johnny Cash (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 31st, 2008
9:08 am	eeeeeyyyyyooooo So what's going on people? It has been a while, a very long while since I wrote in this thing for you guys but the amount of things I have to say is very limited. In fact I am really only writing here because I feel like crap watching Dick Tracey. My stomach is killing me and my head is thumping and my ears are ringing. So second semester has started and I must say that it is going very well so far. No real hard classes to struggle with like we had last semester. I mean there is a lot of reading and things but all the classes are interesting none the less. I have a 3 hour class though, that is painfully grueling. I mean it's not that it's a bad class but I can't sit there and sit there still for 3 hours haha, I get very fidgety and annoyed lol. But other then that it's not a bad class and I enjoy it thus far. I have though, been spending the past few days researching military careers but from what I am being told there is major objection to that happening. I'm not sure why, but I have to respect people's opinions and that so thats what I will do. So I will give up my search and forget about it for now and hopefully school and life keeps going well and I wont need to worry about anything and I can stop looking into it. I also got my haircut because as Im sure many of you noticed it was getting a little long and unkept lol. I was told it looked shaggy and Tay kept telling me my bangs were longer then hers ahaha so I got it cut. I got a lot on my mind these days and too be honest some of it is school stress and part of it is I just plain out miss you. Its hard going from seeing you everyday for four weeks to seeing you on weekends now. There isn't a thing about you that I don't miss about you I don't think you realize what you mean to me and I refuse to let you go....again. Everything I have told you is true and I hope someday you will feel the same way and give me a chance. You're always on mind and I can't stop thinking about you. So I maybe getting a new job this semester too. I applied with my bud Kev for catering at the MFA because I seem to be spending more money then I am taking in lol, but it's really fine. So hopefully I'll be working and that will help break school up for me adding some more for me to do keeping me occupied. Other then that life is going pretty good, no complaints thus far =). But right now my stomach is going haywire so I'm peacin out and going back to bed...lattas (19 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 23rd, 2007
6:35 pm	Me- from psychology ISFP Introverted Feeling with Extroverted Sensing At Their Best ISFPS's live in the present with a quiet sense of joyfulness; they want time to experience each moment. They prize the freedom to follow their own course, have their own space, and set their own time frame, and they give the same freedom and tolerance to others. They are faithful in fulfilling obligations to people and things that are important to them. They express their devotion to others spontaneously in many quiet ways. ISFP's are guided by strong core of inner values and want their outer life to demonstrates those values. They want their work to be more than just a job; they want to contribute to people's well being or happiness. They don't enjoy routine but will work with energy and dedication when doing something they believe in. ISFP's are likely to be- trusting, kind, and considerate. Sensitive and gentle. ISFP's are acutely aware of the specifics and realities of the present-the people and the world around them. They learn by doing more then by reading or hearing and get involved in day by day care taking activities. ISFP's are likely to be observant, realistic, practical, concrete, and factual. ISFP's are attuned to the feelings and needs of others and flexible in responding to them. They often have an affinity for nature and for beauty in all living things-people, plants, and animals. They prize most those who take time to understand their values and goals and who support them in achieving those goals in their own way. ISFP's are adaptable and flexible unless something that matters strongly to them is endangered; then they stop adapting. They care deeply about people but may show it through doing things for others more than through words. ISFP's tend to be quiet and unassuming, and their warmth, enthusiasm, and playful humor may not be apparent to people who don't know them well. They prefer to observe and support rather than organize situations; they have little wish to dominate. ISFP's may be underestimated by others and may also underrate themselves. They often take for granted what they do well and make too much of the contrast between their inner standards and their actual behavior and accomplishments. Other's usually see ISFP's as quiet, reserved, and private-hard to know well. Spontaneous and tolerant. Sometimes life circumstances have not supported ISFP's in the development and expression of their Sensing and Feeling preferences. A. If they have not developed their sensing, ISFP's may have no reliable way of getting accurate data about the external world or of actualizing their values. Their decisions will be based on little information and be overly personal. B. If they have not developed their feeling, they may get caught up in sensing realities and not take time for the internal valuing process by which they make their best decisions. They may avoid decision making, allowing others or circumstances to decided for them. If ISFP's do not find a place where they can use their gifts and be appreciated for their contributions, they usually feel frustrated and may-Withdraw from people and situations, be excessively self critical, passively resist structures and rules and feel unappreciated and undervalued. It is natural for ISFP's to give less attention to their nonpreffered thinking and intuitive parts. If they neglect these too much, however, they may-reject or not take seriously logical systems, fell ill equipped to deal with complexity, and not always see the wider ramifications of their specific, immediate decisions. Under great stress, ISFP's can become uncharacteristically critical of themselves and others, verbalizing harsh and negative judgments. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 7th, 2007
9:03 pm	Holy shit! who reads this nemore anway? So I woke up this morning at my normal 6:30 am and rolled out of bed and looked out the window into the fog. Next thing I noticed was the date, August 7th. Then I realized for the ENTIRE summer I have done nothing but work 5 days a week, with the exception of going to Jersey and camping and hopefully going camping again next week with some family. But I really began to wonder where my life went so astray. I don't see any of the people that, at one point in time, meant the world to me. I can't remember when the last time someone called me and said "hey, how ya doing" want to do something?" and my response was not "sorry I cant, I'm working". As someone pointed out to be doesn't it get mundane and boring doing the same thing day in and day out, and at first I thought, hell no I'm making some serious cash. But now I am beginning to realize, I haven't done anything all summer that stands out. I sit back and wait for people to come back to me because I don't know how to deal with certain things. And I can admit it, when I do see some of the old people, I still get butterflies because thats just who I am. I tend to think that people have moved on and forget completely about me because I am nothing special. I am just your average joe who can't seem to get what he wants because he doesn't know. Everyone around me seems to be happy because of the "cards they were dealt" but then I look at me and I realize, I have nothing. I go to work, I come home and sleep and wake up and do it again the next day. People are happy, people are in love, but I guess you could say I am...in the aspect that things never really changed despite what I may tell you. My life isn't all bad...but I feel there has to be room for more improvement. There has to be a time when someone realizes, hey he's the one for me...and admit it. I guess I just sit back and wait for that time, hoping time doesn't change anything, but I feel as though it wont. Someone once told me that my face looked rough, like I had a rough life and the face and hands of a worker. Which got me thinking more and more about my physical attributes. So the new big thing, despite what you may think and say is for me to lose some serious weight. I mean, people look at me and tell me I am just a big kid with broad shoulders. But then I think to myself, I'm not...they are trying to be nice and polite when they call me "fat." I wonder what it would be like if I was different physically and what affects that would have on my life now a days. Maybe things would be so drastically different, I could complain about the other side of things in an entry. I guess I would just like to know what people really think of me, thats all... I wonder how my life would be different if I had done somethings different, like say yes to you 4 years ago, or actually had the courage to tell you how I felt. But I guess now it is just too late. If I had stuck to some of the other sports I was interested in and most of all, I think back about and highly considered a military life. Things sort of pile up and stay in your head, coming back to drive you insane when they all bottle up together in your head. Now I am actually starting to fall asleep with my head on the chair so I am ending this for now and going to bed... Current Music: Nothing, pure silence (12 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 18th, 2007
9:47 pm	Here we go again WASSSS UP HOMIES!!!!!!!!!!! well yet again its been wicked long since I last updated this thing. I should prolly get rid of it I suppose but oh well. So lets talk about me being home in 2 week for the summer!!! How fucking awesome is that..I cant wait to kick back and have another awesome summer. Going to be doing the usual things...working, chillin, creating havic. School has been kicking my butt I guess is the way to put it. I am probabtion for alittle while. Seeing as where I got caught in Decemeber then again in March for not evacuating a fire alarm. So because it is against the law I got in trouble with the school and I cant get in trouble till I am off probation, which lasts into the fall 07 semester. other then that school is going ok, like i said it is hard but I am almost done and I just need to make it through. And for those of you who keeping asking...yes I dyed my hair dirty blonde....why....because I always wanted too just never did and I am going to shave it for the summer again anyway so I figured I would give it a go this time. It came out ok.....Not stoked about it but not worried about it either. Boston is nice in the spring, i mean with the red sox games......wicked chill. Gives ya something to do on a Friday, head down to fenway and get some tickets and watch the game. There is a lot to do and its fun but I cant wait to go home. I mean hell ya I am going to miss this place ALOT and A LOT of the people here but I like the fact some of my friends are staying here over the summer so I can come in and see them because I am only 40 mins way. Another thing I cant wait to do, is play some motherfucking golf! I mean god damn its about time. I have waited all winter for this and the weather needs to shape up so that I can play when I get home. Ummmmm Im sure there is stuff I should have said but didnt or forgot so Im out for now to watch Southpark......by the way thanx for sending me things lol (sarcasim) =).....talk to yall latta -M- Current Music: Work II featuring Gangstarr (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, March 2nd, 2007
9:26 pm	wow january 18....... Aight so I noticed the last time I said anything was in January after my Aruban vacation. Well I am now on spring break for the next week and I can tell you one thing, I am kicking back and doing nothing. I do have some work to do for school but I am mainly gonna kick back and chill with the people who are home. It'll be nice to hang out with Moose and Orluk and Britt again. But is what is even sweeter is the rest of the hooligans come home next week....and sean comes home with a few days to spare on my spring break. I am wicked stoked for that though. Its nice to have a week off and have very little to occupy your time. School is a bitch, people told me ya it would be hard, but nothing like it is starting to be. At times it kicks me in the balls and as I try and get back it its like its right there kicking me again telling me to stay down. But oh well all I need to do is pull through and survive like 3 more months...not even...2ish months. Other then that nothing has changed significantly for me....I guess you could say I am the same old person. I suppose thats a good thing though, not changing...but I guess we are are allowed to change somewhat, just not too drastically. I am sort of hoping for some small changes I guess because I am not one for the same, mundane bullshit. I mean other then that I don't really know what else to say. I just figured before I went to bed and while I was poking around I noticed its been a while since the last post and people like Warren hope to someday make a book with all these entries in them....sorry I kept ya waiting ya buddy. Speaking of waiting I am still waiting for you fuckers to send me things at school so I feel loved. In my 6 months there I have recieved 1 letter from Nicole and a care package for Zach and Chris in Gettysburg, come on people.....thats bad lol....at least bullshit something so I can hang it on my wall with the rest of my stuff and feel somewhat cool lol...I am still looking I guess for the girl that everyone keeps asking me about....and after a nice convo with Moose we have discovered that we are to shy to do anything anyway and that the girls at school are taken for the most part, but even if they are not there is nothing we are able to do for we fear too much lol..But hey there is nothing changing in my life and all that so I guess that can be considered a good thing. Aight people like I told roomie......in 1/2 hour im passing out and its been just about that time and I can barely keep my eyes open. So Im checking out for the night, lets not try and wake me up or nething this time ehhhh people.....thanks so much lol......talk to yall latttaaaa Current Mood: tired Current Music: Cupids Chokehold: Gym Class Heros (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 18th, 2007
11:30 pm	I dont know Ha i really have nothing to say.....oh well..... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, January 1st, 2007
7:31 pm	welcome to 2007 bitches!!! Alright, well its a new year and hopefully this year well be much better then last year. Im not gonna lie to you guys last year was rough and not full of very much "fun" and good times. It was one of those years that I personally want to forget because too much happened and its all really stressful thinking back on. I guess you could say that with a new year comes a new person ehh. I hope better thinsg come from last year. I just wanna say that in the past few months I have missed my real friends that i have felt close to for the past four years. And in this past 2 weeks of vaca I have realized that we will always remain a family. Travis dude....just gonna throw this out there, it sucks badly that you moved. I miss you a ton man and I wish that you could come back up here and be with us again. Through our journies such a vball camp we became tight and I love you man. Sean, I cant imagine not waking up everyday and seeing you man. Your always there for me no matter what and I have grown closer to you over time. You are my brother. Nick, I know I give you shit...and Im sorry....but i think you know its outta love man. We create mayhem, its fucking great dude. Pat, ever since I illegaly drove you around for 6 months we developed that brother status. Your family became my family and so on and hey now you can officially kick the shit outta everyone....but I miss ya man. everyday in Brittons class will always be a memory dude. Bracken....dude.....when I die and come back....your who I am comming back as...your the man and you know it...your my hero...plain and simple...Chris, all I can say is we are the fucking minigolf champs. W cant be beat and we wont be beat. We are dynamite and our little science experiment in front of stop and shop (when they worked) were tons of fun man. Moose, ya know i give ya shit man but i miss the old days of you kicking the shit outta me and almost drowning me. I have no one to rag on and then have them shut me up like you man. I miss ya dude. Britt....even though you are relatively new to our group, I never thought thatd prom would turn us into the best of friends. And Im honestly glad that you will come visit me at school and Im glad your the one dating my bro. I could not have asked for anyone better and I love you. Your part of the crew....whereever we go, your right there, no matter. Much love girl. Tay, even though in the past weeks we have hardly talked i just want you to know despite what I say and what I do...I love you...always have and always will and nothing is gonna change that. You are clearly one of my best female friends and I cant see myself without you at all. I made some mistakes and Im sorry. Someday I think youll see that....and i will always be here for you. You're all prolly reading this thinking wow....thats nice what he said (sarcasticly of course) but I want you all to know I love you and I would die and go to the end of the world for any of you. And college isnt changing any of this. I know its cheezy but in the new year it had to be said....cuz I think you all should know. I love you guys....and nothing will change that....ever..... With a new year hopefully somethings will change though.....cuz ya never know what may come and go... peace out yall Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Bad Touch: Bloodhound Gang (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 12th, 2006
9:28 pm	Im pretty sure I am about to die Ok so this week has been an everliving hell. FINALS!!!! and ya know what the sad part is....Im working my ass off and im still gonna fail some classes and my parent are gonna rip me apart. I just want to go home and see everyone again. It has been way too long and i just wanna kick back and sleep and relax. I want to have a good month off and do everything I possibly can and not sit at home and do anything. I will need some time to recover after this week because I have not been sleeping nearly as much as needed and I am begining to die down and all that. Other another note my hair is comming back and im peparing to grow it long again even longer then it was when i shaved it off. I am getting mixed reviews about it though, people tell me no dont do it and others say it looks good and to keep it comming. I dont know what I want for xmas, surprise me =). Everyone seems to be doing ok, happy with their significant other, not me, still single. I am so tired i just lost my train of thought so I am ending this..... later yall -M- (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 16th, 2006
7:59 pm	My fish! Aight so while I was home for the long weekend of veterans day I hung out with Tay for the day. It was nice to see her after a month and we went to lunch and hung out but this was all after we bought a fish. So we went over to petsmart and looked at buying some fish because AL and I wanted to get a fish and tay had wanted me to get a fish so thats why we went. We walked around petsmart and spent about 20 mins trying to find the best fish. We found one cool one but he was a horny one, he liked humping the outside of the container and I couldnt have that one lol. I needed one less sexual active. So we came across jager....yes I named him Jager in hopes of getting another one and naming him Mister but because they are Betta Fighting Fish I was unable to do so =(. So we bought him a very nice glass aquarium that is large enough for him to explore and we have a pink rock in there. I plan on adding some rocks and maybe a tree for him so he has some more to look forward too lol. So Tay and I own a fish and hes the BOMB...hence Jager too lol. SO AFter that Tay and I went back to her house and put him in his tank and she told me he was going to school with me and that I ahd to keep alive or else she'd never talk to me again :(((((!!!!!!! SO Jager and I are now chilling in Boston, he is living the sweet life overlooking one of the best views at school sitting on my windowsill overlooking Boston. We are best buds enjoying the college life, we just miss our tay =(.....I love Tay and I love my fish =). (Comment on this)
Monday, November 13th, 2006
10:26 pm	I dont have much to say but heres a song: "When I Go Down" I'll tell you flat out it hurts so much to think of this so from my thoughts I will exclude this very thing that I hate more than everything is the way I'm powerless to dictate my own moods I've thrown away so many things that could've been much more and I just pray my problems go away if they're ignored but that's not the way it works no that's not the way it works when I go down I go down hard and I take everything I've learned and teach myself some disregard when I go down it hurts to hit the bottom and of the things that got me there I think, if only I had fought them If and when I can clear myself of this clouded mind I'll watch myself settle down into a place where peace can search me out and find that I'm so ready to be found I've thrown away the hope I had in friendships I've thrown away so many things that could have been much more I've thrown away the secret to find an end to this and I just pray my problems go away if they're ignored but that's not the way it works no that's not the way it works Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands while my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me reprimands me then and there I confess I'll blame all this on my selfishness yet you love me and that consumes me and I'll stand up again and do so willingly You give me hope, and hope it gives me life you touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light as I exhale I hear your voice and I answer you, though I heardly make a noise and from my lips the words I choose to say seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise because I love you oh God, I love you and life is now worth living if only because of you and when they say I'm dead and gone it won't be further from the truth When I go down I life my eyes up to you I won't look very far cause you'll be there with open arms to lift me up again to life me up again (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, October 20th, 2006
10:53 pm	Don't read if your going to IM me and rag on me for anything said here Don't talk to me about this...just read it ( I tried my best to convey it everything).....thats all Someone told me the other night "I hope you find a girl who you really love." And yes, thats not a word I myself can describe because as Liz put it best...its a feeling, and those are often the hardest to describe. But Liz did also come up with a "definition" of love: when someone makes u feel like no1 else, and no matter wat u still have feelings for them, and u trust them with everything, and u care about then more then anyone else, and u dont care wat they do ur willing to fight for them...idk i guess just everytime u talk to them u feel something that u dont feel for anyone else. But let me ask you all something, in your opinions , don't you think I found it? or I guess now the better phrase would be, didn't I find it? For me girls is one of the harder "tasks" to grasp because....well I tend to be more reserved and shy with the concept and I guess the words to describe it is "self esteem" issues. I know most of you will beg to differ and wanna shower me with compliments but spare me the comments to "boost" me up. I'm not here to make me feel better but more so to suck up my own pride and apologize because this time I did screw up. And to make it a public apology that everyone can see. Since I had the audacity to say shit here for all to read. If there is one thing I myself can't stand its the typical assholes that will do anything to get ahead, stay ahead, and bring anyone down to make themselves feel better. Now granted, I tried to stay away from this but like every human, I made a mistake, which in my opinion cost me a vital part of who I am. I suppose that the way I went about expressing myself was wrong and I'll admit it here, I sounded like an asshole. But dont mistake one little incident for a life's amount of assholeishness (yes I know that doesnt make sense but get over it). But I think as most of you can contest thats not me, ever. I put everyone else in front of me all the time and am willing to do whatever I can for the people who I love. But yet nothing seems to come back my way ever. Which is were the "I dont give a shit attitude" came from and the fustration came from. It was not caused by you and therefore it shouldnt have been expressed and "directed" towards you in any way. And I think it was me who couldnt see it, not you. I guess like in the past, things arent suppose to work out for me but that didnt give me a right to blame you for it. But do not for one second think I didnt care for you in any way. Thats a lie and everyone knows it. I lived up to who I am, I tried to be different and I thought of myself as different but as one friend told me, "I really thought you were different but you really werent". Is that true? Is there something I missed? Did I become something I hated? I mean I...myself.....me..... think of myself as a kind, compassionate, loving person who in a drop of a hat would be there for anyone, and from experience, you know this. Yes what was said was an asshole thing to do and say but I also dont want the past 3 years to be a "memory of mistake". I never thought that I could care so much for one individual person in such a way that would have me thinking about you, all the time. Yes there are things i wish I could have had the balls to say and Sean, my bro, knows this because I had no problem telling him anything. Which is why I acted like I did and why i turned into such an "asshole". AT one point life had too much stress on me, but that was balanced by talking to you and seeing you. If only I could have said what I wanted and I didnt have to worry about anything else. Yes you're prolly reading this thinking...whatever I still hate you and all that wonderful crap you threw at me cuz I suppose I deserved a majority of it. But do not let one incident in the course of 3 years ruin everything. I love you, I always have and I always will and for me nothing can change that and I hope that one day you'll be able to see it too. I'm sorry for everything and I just tried to go above and beyond because thats the type of person that I AM. The type thats willing to do whatever is needed to make someone, especially you, happy. I know I screwed up and I'm sorry and I hope that one day all will be forgiven and all will be ok. I love you always and you should know that <3. I'm sure I'd be lucky if you even made it this far. But I hope you read it all, while at the same time thinking of how I made you feel when you noticed I sent flowers. That you think about everything and try to forgive because I made a mistake. I think I got what I needed to across but I lso know I left somethings out...... I suppose if you wanna leave any thoughts.........add anything you want.......anything at all feel free to do so..... Current Mood: tired (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 19th, 2006
12:57 am	I forgot about this thing HAHAHA ok so in all honesty I forgot about my LJ until Rob told me to update because he wants to make money off them and he looks everyday to read these, ehhh well im sorry buddy, heres ya update though. Ok so life has been ok. I am getting more use to school and starting to enjoy my time here, the urge to go home is slowly diminishing. The past few weekends have been awesome because 2 weeks ago i got to hang out with Orluk,Britt, and saw masci, Steph, Nicole and Edgett. It was so much fun just driving around with orluk and Britt doing nothing like the good ole days. It was nice to see the O'brien family too, God I cant wait for that kid to come home. Then this weekend I SAW SEAN! and met prolly the coolest kid from CA, BILL HULL! It was awesome spending the weekend with them and chilling yet again with Britt, Sean and Bill like the good ole days wizzing down the highway, doing nothing. So i mean yes its been good but staying at school has been really good too, but people hurry up and come chill with me up here, for gods sake im in BOSTON! I am planning a time when i can go out to see Nick and Holy Cross and see britt at asusmption. But I may come home Oct. 21 for the homecomming at the prep for just the day and then I prolly wont be home until TURKEY DAY! So I mean a lot is new but i dont feel like boring you and all that shit but I need to update this for robbie lol. I am glad to see people are doing good and having fun and i think that things are going to change for me around here. I have started going to the gym because i feel its time to make some alterations because Im not really one of those "attractive" people so I have started to hit the gym with Ward. I am making some alterations in life well thats about it.....leave me some comments letting me know how your doing and all that shit....also make sure you leave me some good memory stories on facebook under my new note. nad make sure if they are long to make them separate posts because if they are too long then they will be deleted................aight peace -M- Current Music: Lips of an Angel:Hinder (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
3:38 pm	Ode to the Nice Guys Ode to the Nice Guys This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style. This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you. This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that. The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single. So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming. what yall think about that???? ehhhh?? Do I not fit into most of whats being said in this??? Current Music: Mad World: Gary Jules (17 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 2nd, 2006
8:42 am	Pretty much on my own now Aight well this is the first update in a while. I am currentlty sitting in my dorm starring out the window watching MedFlight come and go. I can see Fenway from here and the Prue (which is relitively close cuz Al and I walked to it the first day). You guys should see it at night, its unbeleivable. Ok so I moved in Wed. morning, it was very painless and quiet easy. The rents helped me set up the room and unpack and then left. So then I went down and walked them out and watched them rive away, which was now the signal I was on my own. So the Teusday before I visisted with AUnt Mary and the girls and ben and Ty. To say my goodbyes and see them before I left. Then after that I went to dinner with Tay. As soon as I pulled up to her driveway i knew this was goign to be one of the hardest things I was going to have to do. So we went out and then went and saw Susie and Wes and the over at Dane street but alas the time came when I had to bring Tay home because I had to get home and pack a few last minute things. I got to say bye to her whole family but then I had to say bye to her. It was prolly one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, for most of you, you know how I feel so to say goodbye....to know it could be weeks or months before I see her again really takes its toll on me. I didn't wanna put her down and let her go....it wa shard to watch her run into the house and not look bad. The whole car ride home I was thinking of wyas to help me handle this and the reality is, there is no way. I can now see how Rob and Steph feel, how Seth and Erin feel....how Sean and Britt feel. I mean I think about her all the time and wish I could just see her again, and for most of you your prolly thinking just go home your a train ride away....well with the work ima be doing im afraid it maybe harder then that. I just hope she doesnt forget me or move on and we just become memories. people tell me they can tell how I feel because of the way they can see it in my eyes, and hear it in my voice when I talk about her....idk if thats true, but I suppose I can beleive it. She usually keeps me up at night because I know when I wake up the next morning its gunan be another day I cant see her and thats tough. I think I can honeslty say I have never, felt this way about anyone. I just hope someday she can feel the same. SO other then that school is pretty good other then what I just talked about. Classes start Teusday and I am kind of nervous but yet we all seem to be so bored right now because all we have are meetings and thats it. I may come come for a night because everyone else is leaving to go home so I dont wanna be the only one here....but mayeb I wont come home, i havent decided yet. I am makignf riends though so its not like I am completely alone but yet there does feel like there is a part of me missing out here. I know what I need to do this year so I am going to try and do it to the best of my ability. Feel free to call me and that people.....lets not start loosing connection...or I'll be pissed. Current Music: Remember the name: Fort Minor (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006
8:35 pm	From Zach.....for sometime ago Dear Matt, I don't really know why I am writing this to you but I guess it is because I just want you to know how thankful I am of our friendship.I think I knew you a little frosh year but our friendship never really took off until volleyball season. Your humor about everything, including making fun of me, has just helped me through a lot. The times I spent with you going to 10 am movies before volleyball camp to playing with you on the frisbee field have been amazing. You are a driven young man and strive to be the best you can be and I admire that in you. Thank you for always being there for me and remember we always win home volleyball. Love Zach I found this letter with my PLI stuff and I had to ut it up here because it is one of those things you look back on for any reason at all. I am goning to miss ya kid, along withe everyone else that has left or is going to leave.Leave some comments on this one.....for me Current Music: Faded: Soul Decision (7 Comments |Comment on this)